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ABOUT Sin City Skates: The Grand, Possibly True Beginnings of the First Skate Shop to Give a F*ck Sin City Skates, like many businesses, was conceived to fill a specific need. Unlike any previous business, however, that need was the greatest ever conceived. In the history of man, there have been several notable and pivotal inventions. Of course there was mastery of fire and the sharpened stick. That paved the way for campfires and the ability to poke things from various distances. There was the invention of stone tools and spearheads which enabled poking things from various distances, very hard. Then there was the wheel. The wheel was originally quite limited as it was used simply for hauling sundry agricultural goods and to carry men waging war or participating in parades. This epoch of the wheel is known to anthropologists as the Bullsh*t Era. Fortunately, circa 1200 BCE, a woman known as Kicaz said, "Enough of this Bullsh*t," and fashioned a special sandal which featured two rows of wheeled axels. She quickly assembled parties of women warriors who traversed the streets in gangs known as packs. Their goal was to alleviate the crippling boredom of a society which had been stymied by the limited creativity of men, who to that point, had found little as a diversion aside from trying to poke things with their variously embellished sticks. Agricultural routes at the time led to cities built around elliptical trails. The women would race the elliptical tracks, knocking women from opposing warrior clans into the throngs of gawking men who lined the path. Thus began the Kick-az Era of the wheel. As word of the new invention and subsequent sport spread, women from around the world clambered for the special sandal. To serve the demand, Kicaz' band formed the first retail store for the unprecedented need. They called it Sinius Citropolis Roller Sandals. Unfortunately, the location of the storefront was on a small island known as Pompeii, and the roller sandal as well as its sport, were lost for centuries. Early in the twentieth century, a game similar to the ancient sport that had once held the world in rapture developed. It was nearly a century, however, before the game re-emerged in a close approximation of its original and truest form. But there was again a serious void. A passion for the sport had again reached around the world drawing women of all cultures and regions into its warm embrace, but there was a lack of a serious, reliable outlet for purchasing the equipment required for what had become known as roller derby. In 2005, Ivanna S. Pankin, was awoken from a restless sleep with a vision: there should be a skate shop that understood the growing bands of wheeled women warriors and could meet their unique needs. Who, after all, better understands how to fill a woman's void than another woman? Who else, after all, would give a f*ck? Ivanna realized that she could give such a f*ck. That of all the f*cks she had ever given in her life, this was the hardest f*ck she had ever wanted to give! But what to call this new business? Now many will assume that Ivanna employed her deep knowledge of all things roller derby, and harkened back to the original shop, Sinius Citropolis. Unfortunately those people are not very attentive, because as previously noted, all evidence of that shop was lost to history. No, it was the divine and timeless connection that exists between the women of roller derby that led her to evoking the name Sin City Skates. It was indeed the mystical embodiment of the Kick-az spirit. Ivanna began her business in earnest out of her home. It was the addition of Trish the Dish in 2006 that encouraged her to move Sin City Skates to a storefront just behind Showgirls Exotic Club in Las Vegas, Nevada. The decision was not based on the coincidence that Vegas is also known as Sin City. Rather it was Dish's astute observation that people in Vegas are exposed to the most smoking and drinking in the U.S., and were therefore likely to die first. If anyone needed good skates quickly, it was them. Thus, the new Sin City Skates. They opened their first storefront in the summer of 2006 promising the one establishment in Nevada were one would not have to gamble. From humble beginnings making just a few shipments on orders a day, the women have progressed to sending over 20 orders daily, at least 10% of which are to women abroad. The storefront was successful, attracting skaters and refs from around the country. But, after sometime in Vegas, it was time to serve a new community. The ladies moved the shop to Tucson late in 2007. The new storefront has regular visits from the many leagues in Arizona: Tucson's Derby Brats, the Arizona Cactus Pricks, Tucson Roller Derby, Arizona Derby Dames, and their old comrades in wheels, Arizona Roller Derby. Sin City continues to do a brisk online business, as well, attracting skaters, refs, and recreational skaters with quality prices and knowledgeable product advice. They have been thanked by their satisfied clientele with repeat business, pedicures, and even tattoos. All they ask, however, is that their skates be used to spread the noble and ancient sport of roller derby, thus reviving the Kick-az Era. There is, after all, no better way of showing that you too give a f*ck.
- Fred "Seņor" Nutz
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